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In an email we received he stated My Mother was the prettiest woman I had ever seen, she was the funniest and kindest person in the world, she just had this one problem. You can see that through his denial he couldn’t really accept what was going on in his life.
The idea of healing isn’t so Jerry can hate his Mother, rather than allow him to acknowledge the abuse and understand his feelings of anger towards his Mother.
Even after twenty five years he still sometimes makes excuses for her.
Slowly and surely he is coming to terms with his past.
Sometimes she had merely to touch his shoulder when he'd freeze and draw back. Mostly, though, she just felt rejected, and this broke her heart."I knew he loved me.
There are so many ways to show love other than sex—endearing things he would do," she says.
Some rationalizations include: I was a difficult kid to raise; I never used to listen to my parents; I didn’t try to stop them; it was just normal punishment; I was a dumb kid; I never told anyone; my parents had it rough; we were poor; I was seductive; I would dress improperly; my body developed too early; I enjoyed it etc. Try and imagine a young child you know who is the same age as you were when you were abused; realize how small you must have appeared to your abuser – it was not your fault.
"I started realizing, 'Oh my God, there are names for the things I've been going through!
'" Poring over her textbooks, she came to believe that her husband had been sexually abused. Confirmation, however, didn't come until one afternoon that spring.
Ray, a surveyor and park ranger who often worked two jobs, would say he was tired or too busy to talk.
"There was always an answer," she says, "but it never added up." Uncertain and lonely, she began to overeat—a groping attempt to feed her longing for intimacy, as her therapist would later explain. I wanted my husband back."Little changed through nearly 25 years of marriage.